What's Up Wednesday

It's time again for another edition of What's Up Wednesday. This week is dedicated to the unbearable heat.


What's up with this hideous heat? I believe that we must truly be effin' up and God is NOT pleased with us...at all. He's giving us a taste of that "Hell Heat", and if this is how it's gonna be, I want no parts of that. People out there having heat strokes and sweatin' they asses off and what not, and we can't be having folk walkin' 'round here wit' no asses. We gotta get this global warming thing under control.

Here are some funny "It's hotter than...." quotes:

*It's hotter than a drip of sweat sliding off Satan's balls.

*It's hotter than a $10 X-Box from a crackhead.

*It's hotter than a clearance sale at Body Shop on check day.

*It's hotter than a pedophile at the splash pad in Malbis.

*It's hotter than a goats ass crack on the wrong side of the barn.

*It's hotter than a snakes ass on a Foreman grill.

*It's hotter than a prostitutes ass on a nasty leather couch.

*It's hotter than a salmon sun bathing on a whale's backside.

*It's hotter than a broke bitches food stamp card on re-up day.

*It's hotter than a round body Caprice with a no keyhole in the trunk.

OK.....I think I'm done.


Shout out to all the city/county/state workers that are outside in the heat keeping this place looking good. Shout out to the grandsons out there cutting their grandmama's yards. Shout out to the crackheads out in the blazing heat looking for a score and giving us something to laugh at. Where would we be without all of you? Thanks for everything!!

Parents please keep your children hydrated with water. It does wonders for their skin. Soda and juice aren't the only liquids in the world.

That is all...'til next week.

HipHop Amber Alert

I don't know why, but for some reason I tend to sit around and wonder about the craziest things. And today was no different. I was sitting around trying my best to think about nothing and I started to sing these lyrics, "It was a late late Sunday when the drama went down...." And I began to think, I wonder what the Ghetto Twiinz are up to now-a-days? So, I'm issuing an amber alert for the Ghetto Twiinz. If anybody knows the whereabouts of these two women please contact the offices of Jovan White immediately.


AMBER ALERT
Ghetto Twiinz
$10.00 Reward


Twin sisters Tonya and Trementhia Jupiter who where Born in New Orleans, Louisiana, formed the Ghetto Twiinz in 1995 and were signed to independent record label, Big Boy Records. After their debut album Surrounded By Criminals was released in 1995, they would join Rap-a-Lot Records and Noo Trybe Records. They would release three more albums In That Water (1997), No Pain No Gain (1998) and Got It on My Mind (2001) before disappearing from the music scene.

They were last seen leaving the hair store in an orange 4-door CrownVic, license plate number HOZH8ME.
Pictured below:

PLEASE HELP

Here's my theory: Tonya is a manager at the local Checkers/Rally's (whatever they call it in the N.O.) and Trementhia, being the tougher of the two sisters, works over night at a group home for troubled teen girls.

Question

Let me set the scene for today's question.....

picture it: You're in the break room at work. There's you (let's assume you're black) and 3 of your coworkers. One of them being your black friend, the other two being coworkers of the "other color"...one of them is your boss. A news story about Barack Obama comes on and your boss remembers this hilariously funny joke he's heard about President Obama.


aaaaaannnnnndddddd.........ACTION!!!

Your boss: What is Barack Obama?...

You: <~BLANKSTARE~>

Your boss: living proof that no matter how successful a black man is, he's still living in government housing.


Meanwhile, you're getting heated. Your chocolate colored skin has turned an unusual shade of beet red. Normally unachievable by a person your complexion, but understandable in this instance because you're mad as hell.

Your boss oblivious to the extremely racist joke he just made can't understand why you don't see the hilarity of his joke and looks to your "same color" coworker to explain it to you.

You, expect your co-worker to feel the same as you...but he slaps you on the back and tells you to "lighten up".

Oh hell naaaaawwww!!! This negro is NOT making light of this very racist situation?! Oh yes he is...he has assumed the role of "Uncle Tom" and he's playing his part to a "T" (pun intended). He's laughing hysterically and puttin' on a show for the boss man like never before. Which pisses you off even more.

Later that day, you confront your "friend" about what happened and he says he was just doing what he had to do in order to stay in good standings with the boss.

Which leads to my question: Is it ever ok to be the "Uncle Tom" at work? Have you ever been put in this situation before? Were you the Uncle Tom? Do you consider being an Uncle Tom a form of selling out?

*Uncle Tom- A black man who will do anything to stay in good standing with "the white man" including betray his own people urbandictionary.com


Uncle Tom- a term for a black person who behaves in a subservient manner to white people. The term comes from the title character of Harriet Beecher Stowe's 1852 novel Uncle Tom's Cabin. *wikipedia

Learn How To Spell...GOT Damnit!!!

Today's Affirmation: I am associated with a WHOLE lot of dumb ass people. I have tried for so long to give some of the people that I'm friends with on Facebook the benefit of the doubt, but I have painfully come to the conclusion that I went to school with some Leap Frog/Learn To Read/Hooked on Phonics/My Baby Can Read ass muhfuckas.One or two misspelled words I can understand. One or two words used out of context, I can understand. But what I can NOT understand is how you can think "they're" and "their" is the same word...or how you can use the word "are" where you should be using "or". These things may seem minimal to some, but I'm a grammar geek and what seems small to you is killing me softly every time one of these posts comes up in my newsfeed. I damn near need the Rosetta Stone to decode some of these damn statuses and enough is enough. I feel that it is my duty to school these idiots on proper word usage.

Facebook English/Spelling/Grammar class is now in session. Please be seated quietly and take out your pencils and writing pads to take notes.

*(let me go visit the pages of some of these repeat offenders so I can put focus on the words/phrases that are misused the most...I already have a few people in mind)

One of my Facebook chums posted the following:

"hey fb, i'm so board the hubby went to play basketball and the little one is gone for the hole week my aunt wanted to spend some time wit her but i miss her already smh..."

-no bitch...I'm shaking MY head!!


COMMONLY MISUSED WORDS:

1. here ~ hear (ex. girl, did you here about such and such...)
2. are ~ or (ex. wassup man, you wanna go shoot pool are go to the club?)
3. pass ~ past (ex. hey girl...I heard your granddaddy past....)
4. come ~ cum <<<<< this is a serious no-no
5. their ~ they're (ex. I gotta get my kids a outfit for they're party.)
6. loss ~ lost (ex. sorry for your lost...)


*Please do better. I'm available for tutoring. Inbox me...serious inquiries only.

New Kelly Price...'bout time!!

Can i get a muhfuckin' AMEN!!! SAAAAANNNGGG Kelly!!! I'm tired too gul!!


There's a hole in my heart...
My soul... is bleeding...
I need to free...my mind...
And see what...I'm feeling
Cause Lord knows, Lord knows
I'm......(I'm tired)Tired of the way he treats me(tired)
Tired of the guilty feelings (tired)
Tired of the broken dreams (tired)
I'm (tired) tired of the old routinesI'm (tired) tired of the Baby Mamas (tired)
Tired of the ghetto drama (tired)
Tired of the back and forth (tired)
I'm (tired) tired of in and out the courts
I'm (tired) tired of all the games and lies
I'm (tired) tired of phony alibis
I'm (tired) tired of praying that it works
I'm (tired) even tired of going to church
I'm (tired) tired of paying these bills
I'm (tired) said I'm tired of keeping it real
I'm (tired) tired of crying (tired)
and I'm tired of smiling (tired)
I'm tired of all the haters I'm (tired)
I'm tired of all the players
I'm (tired) tired of the games
I'm so tired (tired)Cause it's about to drive me insane (tired)
And Oh I'm so tired of taking it (tired)
Said yeah I'm so tired of faking it (tired)
Cause you don't do it for me no more (tired)
You just don't do it no more (tired)
I'm tired of being wronged and doing right(tired)
Said I'm tired of keeping peace in time to fight (tired)
I'm tired of letting go, then holding on (tired)
I'm tired of feeling weak and being strong (tired)
So let me hear if you tired (tired)
Gotta make some noise if you tired (tired)
Oh throw them up if you tired (tired)
Oh wave your hands if your tired
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Let it go! GO, GO, GO, GO

What's Up Wednesday

What's up with these fake hairlines, lacefront, helmet-hat looking wigs? Who told people it was ok to have a Barbie hairline? Nooooooooooo, STOP!!!


That is all... 'til next week.

The Gospel of Gucci

Turn with me now to The Gospel of Gucci. Book of Burrrrrr. Chapter 3 verses 1-5.

-1 and on the fourth day, there was an album release party and all the homeboys and record label execs were there.

-2 Gucci Mane was also invited along with all his groupies.

-3 When the vodka ran out. And Gucci's manager proclaimed, "We outta Ciroc!!" and Gucci said unto him, "What's that gotta do wit' me? I'm still partyin'"

-4 Now, there were many bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade, Coronas with lemon juice, and lots of lemonade daiquiris...lemon errythang!! And Gucci said to his disciples, "grab the lemons!"

-5 And he turned them into Ciroc with Lemon and he proclaimed "PARTY PARTY PARTY!!! Let's all get wasted!!"






Last Week's Lesson: If you would, open up your books with me to the Gospel of Beyonce. Book of Lacefronts. Chapter 6, verses 4-5.


Read along with me please:

-4 And she said unto thee, "get me bodied."

-5 And she proclaimed "Diva is the female version of a hustler."


*Let us bless ...the reading of this word. Join us next week when will be reading from the book of Gucci.