Kanye "Pest"

MY RESPONSE:

Aside from the early Kanye West music like "Through The Wire", "All Falls Down", "Jesus Walks", "Slow Jams" and the music he produced for other artists, I have absolutely no love for Kanye West. I believe he deserves much respect for the things he has done professionally to HELP hip hop, but as a man I have no love for him. He allowed the praise and admiration he was receiving for his work swell his already oddly shaped head. If Kanye had done some of the things he did (like calling Bush out on live television and snubbing Taylor Swift on the MTV Awards) and he had shitty music, the rap world would have completely turned their backs on him. The fact that he is amazingly creative and trend setting is the ONLY thing that keeps other performers and musicians from totally casting him out. They need Kanye and that's why they continue to accept his horrible attitude.

Sadly, it took the death of his mother (may she rest in peace) to snap him back to reality and allow him to begin to see the err of his ways. Now all of a sudden he wants to start apologizing for his transgressions: (Bush and Taylor Swift incidents)
and start saving video hoes (Amber Rose) and we're supposed to just encourage him on his "road to redemption"...No sir, Mr. West. I've been through with you and if some of your professional peers had balls, they would be through with you too.


"IS KANYE WEST CRAZY?" -Michael Tartt
I would say, no. Kanye West is not crazy. Crazy by definition means, "having an unusual, UNEXPECTED, or random quality, behavior, result, or pattern". Nothing about the Kanye West we have come to know now is "unexpected". Ever since the whole Katrina/"Bush doesn't care about black people" fiasco, we have come to expect certain behavior from Kanye. And no matter how many talk shows he goes on or interviews he does, or how many times he cries, the things he's done will never be forgotten.



*Shout out to Tartt Ent. for hittin' us with the "Red Light Special" HAAAAAA!!!!!!


*"I can't knock him for puttin' dollars in his pocket...." -Michael Tartt
<*insert Kanye Shrug here*>


*the last few minutes, I think the Four Loko was gettin to JK...dude was just rambling away. LMAO!

Y'all may remember this Trey Songz impersonation video from a while ago:

Turns out homey has some real talent:

"Falling In Love Is Easy...Someone Tell Me How To Stay There"

Have you ever loved somebody and knew they didn't love you?
Have you ever felt like crying but didn't know what good it would do?
Did you ever look into his eyes and say a little prayer?
Did you ever look into his heart and wish that you were there?
Have you ever watched him sleeping when the lights were way down low?
Have you ever whispered "I love you", but never let him know?
Don't ever fall in love my friend, you'll see it doesn't pay?
Even though it causes broken hearts, it happens everyday.
So when I say don't fall in love, you'll be hurt before it's through
I should know, you see asshole...I fell in love with you.

Very rarely am I ever left speechless. I usually can find something to say about any topic thrown at me, but after viewing the following fuckery, I am wordless. Watch to find out why.

(Not safe for work or around children):

Swag Surfin: iPod Shuffle

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!


Here Goes:

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Who Knows" -Teedra Moses
I Love this song...very appropriate answer

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"I'm Here" -Fantasia(Color Purple Soundtrack)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Love's Gonna Be" -Teedra Moses

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Put Your Hands On Me" -KeKe Wyatt

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"If I Had My Way" -Chrisette Michele

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Hate On Me" -Jill Scott
This answer is crazy, because I really dislike people who misuse the term "hater"...but I dig this answer.


7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Weary" -Amel Larrieux
So, my friends think I'm a lonely bitch...wooooowww!! LOL

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Still In Love" -Nivea

9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Long Distance Love" -Tamia

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Beauty Is Her Name"
Awwww, I love my bestie!!

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Three People Sleeping In My Bed" -Willie Clayton
Damn! My iPod thinks I'm a freak...HAHAHAHA!!!

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Be Where You Are" -Trey Songz

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Like So" -T.I.

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Web 20/20" -The Roots

15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"The One" -CeeLo

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Kingdom Come" -Jill Scott and Kirk Franklin

17. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Brand New" -Trey Songz
"She said she brand new...fresh out the box" or coffin...I'm being resurrected at my funeral!!

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Bet I" -B.O.B.

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Super High" -Rick Ross
I DO NOT USE DRUGS!!!

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"One Day You're Here" - UGK

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"You Bring Me Joy" -Anita Baker

SIDENOTE: numbers 20 and 21 should have seriously been switched...what were you thinking iPod? But I didn't make up the rules.

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Love Of My Life" -Erykah Badu

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"I Like Him" -Kandi Burruss

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Sweet Dreams" (remix) -Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne

25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Rescue Me" -Teedra Moses
Couldn't have been more on point


26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Diary" -Wale
I guess I got some issues to get over first...


27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Fancy" -Drake


28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Medicine" -Plies and Keri Hilson

29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"The Usual" -Trey Songz

30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Swag Surfin" (remix) -Lil Wayne
"I'm talkin big shit nigga/join my hit list nigga/what's the matter, check yo bladder/I'm the shit piss nigga"!!!!

Excuse me while I rant....


Dear Kermit The Frog:


You are an ASSHOLE!! Can't you see how hopelessly devoted Ms. Piggy was to you? Granted, she wasn't as thin as you...or GREEN, but she would ride or die for you. She went hard for your heart, and you constantly played her. You deserve to die a slow, torturous, rat infested death for the way you treated that good woman/pig.


Moral Of The Rant: there's just too many of us fabulous "Ms. Piggys" out here waiting for our "Kermit" to turn into a prince.

Neglect

ne·glect  [ni-glekt]-
–verb (used with object)
1. to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight



Yup...I think it's safe to say that I have neglected this blog. I have GOTS ta do betta...

Unsung: Static Major

Stephen Ellis Garret, better known as his stage name Static Major, was a rapper/singer/songwriter/producer from Louisville, Kentucky. While he began his performing career as one-third of the trio Playa, he is best known for his appearance on the hit single by rapper Lil Wayne "Lollipop".


Static started his producing career on Blackground Records. He got his first break producing the Ginuwine single "Pony" along with Timbaland, which became a major milestone in both their careers. He later became a member of the Def Jam group Playa, best known for their single "Cheers 2 U". Playa released an album of the same name in 1997.


After working with Ginuwine, Static produced and wrote songs for Aaliyah, Nicole Wray, and was a frequent collaborator with the group Pretty Ricky. His most recent work was producing the song "Lollipop" featured on Lil Wayne's album Tha Carter III.



On February 25, 2008 Static checked into Baptist Hospital East, and after many tests, was diagnosed with a rare condition called myasthenia gravis, an autoimmune disorder marked with symptoms of muscle weakness and fatigue. Doctors recommended a procedure called plasmapheresis, a treatment similar to dialysis that removes toxins from the blood through an implanted catheter as a central line through the neck and into the chest area. Radiology reports show that a catheter was improperly placed into his arm and when the nurse was instructed to remove it, he went into respiratory arrest and never recovered.

Unsung: Aaliyah

If you aren't familiar with the TV One series "UnSung", then I suggest you familiarize yourself with it immediately. Unsung is an awesome documentary series that sheds light on musical acts from the past that while they seemed to be on their rise to ultimate stardom, for some reason or another, they weren't quite able to reach the status of *SUPERSTAR*. Unsung has featured artists from Phyliss Hyman to Klymaxx, Donnie Hathaway to Stacey Lattisaw, and many more amazing artists.

While I was watching the episode on Tammi Terrell this Sunday, I began to think "if Unsung is still around in 30 years, which artists of today are likely to have their shortened careers chronicled on an episode?" So this is the first in many of my (The Future Of) Unsung



UNSUNG: Aaliyah


Aaliyah Dana Haughton was born on January 16, 1979 in Brooklyn, New York but raised in Detroit, Michigan. At an early age, Aaliyah was featured on the television talent show Star Search.

At the age of 12, Aaliyah signed with Blackground/Jive Records, a label run by her uncle Barry Hankerson. Barry introduced Aaliyah to R. Kelly who became her mentor, songwriter, and producer of her debut album "Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number". Although Kelly and Haughton seemed to make an excellent team, Aaliyah split from the Blackground label and signed to Atlantic Records after rumors of an illegal marriage between the two.

Aaliyah went on to work with rising up and coming artists Timbaland and Missy, who produced her second album "One In A Million" which went on to sale 3.7 million copies in the U.S. and over 8 million copies worldwide.

In 2000 Aaliyah starred in her first major film role in the movie Romeo Must Die, contributing the song "Try Again" to the film's soundtrack which earned her a Grammy Nomination for Best Female R&B Vocalist.

After finishing her work on Romeo Must Die, Aaliyah was cast for a part in Queen Of The Damned. She then released her third studio album, simply titled "Aaliyah". On August 25, 2001 Aaliyah and 8 others were killed when their plane crashed in the Bahamas. Aaliyah and her team were there filming a music video for her single Rock The Boat. The pilot, Luis Morales II, was unlicensed at the time and was found to have traces of alcohol and cocaine in his blood. Her family filed a wrongful death law suit against his employers which was settled out of court.

The week following her death, Aaliyah's third album rose from number 19 to number 1 on the Billboard 200. A documentary on the making of her final music video for "Rock The Boat" was shown on BET's show Access Granted and became the most viewed and highest rated episode in the history of the show. In December 2002 I Care 4 U, a compilation of Aaliyah's previously unreleased music was released and debuted at number 3 on the Billboard 200. The lead single I Miss You peaked at number 3 on the Hot 100.

Aaliyah was signed to appear several feature films including the movie Honey, Some Kind Of Blue, and a remake of the 1976 film Sparkle. Before her death, Aaliyah filmed her role in The Matrix Reloaded and was shceduled to appear in The Matrix Revolutions.

Aaliyah has been credited for helping redefine R&B and hip hop in the 1990's and is often referred to as the "princess of hip hop and R&B".

COMING UP ON (The Future Of) UNSUNG:

Camoflauge

Static Major

Soulja Slim

For Mature Audiences Only

DISCLAIMER: Due to excessive use of the words "penis" and "dick" and other lewd and lascivious terminology, the following blog is rated R. If you are under the age of 18 or you possess the maturity level of a person under the age of 18, STOP HERE!! Keep in mind that the following blog is written purely in a comedic sense. Please do not take offense to anything written here. If you wish to continue, read on and enjoy.









SHIT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW:
Chapter 3: The Difference Between Penis and Dick

I bet y'all didn't know that there was a difference between penis and dick...YEP!! And I'm here to break down the difference between the two, and their categories.

What is penis? Penis is ok. If you were to compare it to dick, penis would be a Red Lobster, at best. Where as dick would be Ruth Chris. Penis only does what it was created for, intercourse and procreation. Nothing less, and most definitely nothing more. Think about it...have you ever heard a man bragging about having some "good PENIS"? NO! He always says what? "Girl, I got that good dick."


THE 3 CATEGORIES OF PENIS:

*What-Is-This?! Penis- this type of penis serves absolutely NO purpose. This is the type of sex where you just stare at the ceiling and wonder how you got yourself into this horrendous predicament. The only positive thing about this type of penis is that it's usually done in 10 minutes or less.

*Blah Penis- The owner of blah penis almost always thinks he's doing the absolute greatest job ever. If you just really want some, then you'll lay there taking it and wish on everything that you cum and he does so in a hurry. On the flip side, if you aren't desperate you'll tell him to get up so you can go on about your business.

*I Can't Believe It's Not Dick Penis- this type of penis will surprise you and give the performance of good dick. The only thing that keeps it from being called dick is that this type of penis is not consistent and often falls back into the category of "Blah Penis". Therefore, it can never "rise" to dick status (pun intended).



Now, let's talk about the categories of dick. The best thing about dick is there's a variety.



*Get Right Dick- this type of dick is tried and true. Its guaranteed to give you at least one or two sexual eruptions.

*Gangsta Dick- gangsta dick will start off nice, but it does NOT play. Only deal with this type of dick if you have health insurance, because there's a chance that you'll get hemmed up, choked, or even come close to passing out. Basically, if you come out feeling like you were just in a fight and need medical attention, you've more than likely experienced Gangsta Dick.

*Euphoria Dick- makes you feel extremely silly and bubbly. Similar to the feeling you get after smoking weed(or so I've heard). You are happy and satisfied and feel all your stress melting away.

*Chipotle Dick- this type does the perfect mix of everything. This is the kind where you get the proper freak down and get up feeling refreshed and lucky to have a vagina. The down-side to this type is that it is highly addictive. So if you can't get the chipotle dick on lockdown and are likely to go into stalker mode, then I suggest you leave chipotle dick alone.



So, those are the differences. I hope you learned something, or at least got a good laugh. Ladies, go gauge the kind you've had. Fellas, go ask someone to gauge the type you are. Because I would hate for you to be out there thinking you have that Chipotle Dick when in actuality you possess Blah Penis. <*~BLANKSTARE~*>

For Colored Girls

I came across this movie trailer and it looks like it's going to be something powerful. The only thing that has me a lil' anxious/nervous/side-eye'n is the fact that it's a Tyler Perry film. I sincerely hope Tyler doesn't fuck this one up and turn it into some of that Madea bullshit we're so used to seeing from him. But from the looks of the preview, it won't be and this will be the first TP movie i'll actually pay my hard earned money to go see in a theater. (I'm gonna read the book first.)

*sidenote: I think I'm gonna take one of my white friends to go see this one...it's only appropriate.

Shit You Should Already Know: Sneak Peek #2

Here is another look at my book, in hair stores near you Spring 2011


SHIT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW:
Chapter 2: Change Is Good, But Not Always Possible

"I wonder why so many women are more confident in their abilities to CHANGE a no good man than they are in their abilities to FIND a good one."


Some women must have never been told, so I'm gonna tell them...YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE!! If a person, in this case a man, doesn't want to change, there is nothing you can do to make him. You can love him all you want, give him whatever he wants, and run whatever "game" you think you're running, but the shit won't change.

And don't even begin to think just because you read it in an urban novel that the power of pussy is going to get you anywhere...it's not!! Women like to believe they have the power in a relationship because we can withhold the pussy...but if we really had the power, we wouldn't need to withhold the pussy in the first place. When you lay down together everything is all good, but when you get up, he's the same little boy that just sweated out your weave, fucked up your sheets, and left pleased. He's stupid and you're dumb.

We women know what kind of men we're getting. We just like to believe we can change them. I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but nothing about you is dynamic enough to change a man. It kills me when women get with a man with the intentions of changing him. Ummmmm..... WRONG!! I want to just shake the hell out of these females, rewind the entire "relationship", and pin point every time she should have kicked gravel and traveled.

Been So Long

For approximately 3 months I had an extreme love affair goin' on with Baumhauers Wings Restaurant. I went there at minimum 3 times a week and got the exact same meal every time. A small order of honey barbecue wings and a side order of gooey fries. Just tyoing that made me crave their yummy goodness. It got so bad that the waitresses knew me by name and order. When I would arrive to pick up my order, they would greet me as if I worked there, "Hey Jovan!!" It was then that I realized I was spending too much time (and waaaaayyy too much money) there and I decided to give it up cold turkey....or chicken. I can say with pride that on Saturday I will be celebrating 1 month of sobriety.

I dedicate this song to my beloved Wings....Oh, how I miss thee.

SHIT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW: Sneak Peek

Here is a sneak peek at my new book...in a barber shop/beauty salon near you Spring 2011


SHIT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW
Chapter 1: If Dating Is A Game...Why Can't We Both Win?

"Duck Duck Goose!! Soooooooo, I guess I'm the chosen one. I chase you...you chase me. In circles we go. Running nowhere in particular. Just for fun, I guess. Boy, these games we play have GOT to stop!!"



Whether we want to admit it or not, in ALL relationships, games will be played. Men and women have become so accustomed to this game playing that we don't know how to have a meaningful relationship/friendship without them. Think about the dumb shit we do when "getting to know" someone. Not answering when they call to see if they'll call again...giving our partner the silent treatment for no apparent reason, just because...playing phone tag with your crush...the list goes on and on. In the midst of all this game playing, we have forgotten how to have healthy courtships and dating relationships. We have become too busy and focused on coming out as the winner of said games that we miss the opportunity for a healthy meaningful union. You continue the game playing and become stunned when you realize that your "opponent" has stopped playing or moved on to someone who was playing a little more fairly. Then what? you're on to the next one playing the same games, never realizing that eventually you and your potential mate must play on the same team and work towards a common goal.

Wanna know where my patience has completely dwindled? My interactions with men. I have truly lost the desire to play chess with them. Yes, I do think you're attractive...I like you..you like me...Let's just say that and move on to bigger and better possibilities. All this back and forth chasing has to end. I could continue to play this game with you...but why? I'm at a point where my desire to beat around the bush is gone. It's sad that courting has dissolved to this point...very sad.

Live VMA Coverage

Saturday Fuckery

This Don't Have Shit To Do Wit' Shit

*This new Willow Smith song go hard!! Say what you wanna, but I like it. I think it's safe to say that this little girl has an extreme fascination with Rihanna, but I just think she's adorable. I will say this though, hearing "I whip my hair back and forth!!" screamed about 6 thousand times consecutively can get A LOT annoying. Besides that, I think the song fits her age and style.

*Book Club

I have a few friends who are avid readers of what many like to call "Smut" books. And we are looking to start a book club. Our latest read is from a great writer of the smut fiction, Mr. Carl Weber. The twists and turns that this man throws in his book will have you sitting up late at night losing sleep just to get to the next page to see what happens next. The latest book is titled "Torn Between Two Lovers", and although Mr. Weber's books are written in sequence, it isn't totally necessary that you read the previous books. He gives you just enough info in the latest story to bring you up to speed with all the goings on in the most recent book.

So if anyone in the Mobile, AL area (I have readers in MS, OK, FL, CA,etc...) are interested in reading some raunchy, messy, no good, stories and sittin' around sippin on some alcoholic goodness and talkin' shit about the craziness in the book, get at me.




*A Promise Ring....Are We 15 Again?

Today this basic bitch told me that her boyfriend gave her a promise ring. Doesn't sound wierd to you? Let me explain why it is....The heffa is over 30 years old!! I don't know much about relationships, but I do know that if you're over 15 and the person you're dating gives you a ring, it better have the word ENGAGEMENT in front of it. What is the purpose of a promise ring? Is it a promise to get married? If that's the case, then it IS an engagement ring, so why in the hot hell is she saying he gave her a promise ring? The point here is this: no grown ass woman should be walking around sayin' her man gave her a "promise ring"....Did he give you his letter jacket too bitch?!

This video further proves my point. The girl singing about a promise ring is about 15 years old...NOT 30+!!

Today the gospel world was saddened by the loss of Malinda Sapp. If the last name sounds familiar, it's because she was the wife of gospel star Marvin Sapp. Although, she had a famous husband, Mrs. Sapp was an accomplished woman herself. Along with her husband, she was a co-founder of the Lighthouse Full Life Center which is located in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The Sapps also established a faith based business fellowship called Entrepreneurs Excange. Malinda was also very involved in her husbands career. She handled most of his recording contracts as his manager and served as executive producer on his albums. She was also an educated woman. A college professor, a limited licensed psychologist and a licensed professional counselor.

The cause of Mrs. Sapp's death was a battle with colon cancer. Although she was given a clean bill of health earlier this year, her cancer resurfaced. Malinda and Marvin were married for 15 years and have three children together.


While Mrs. Sapp's death is indeed a tragic loss, her death has seemed to overshadow the death of 90's pop-star, Rich Cronin. If the name doesn't ring a bell, he was a member of the boy band LFO (Light Funky Ones) who had a late 90's hit with the song "Summer Girls" which he wrote. Cronin, age 35, was diagnosed with leukemia in 2005 and despite chemotherapy the disease returned in 2007 and 2008. Cronin underwent a stem-cell transplant which led to a stroke and severe leg pain. He passed away on Wednesday, September 8, 2010.

If you are still unfamiliar with Mr. Cronin, this video may refresh your memory:

I will blog today...I PROMISE!! New Tartt Ent. show and Shit I Hate About Facebook: Facebook Beef Edition. I'm a lazy b!+c#

Just Jovan

I AM A CHRISTIAN

Christian

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

-Maya Angelou

New Music

Cee-Lo "Fuck You"


Jazmine Sullivan "Holdin' You Down"

Jazmine I'm mad at you for the shameless Nuvo plugs...UGH!!But you get a shout out for the old school hip hoppers in the video.

David Banner feat. Tyrese and Akon "Run Away"

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and Hip Hop Gospel

I was given this flyer and all I can say is WOW!! Who would've thought you could have a party based on Krispy Kreme Doughnuts...but seriously, isn't this some kinda copyright infringement? The thought of a hot doughnut is really making me wanna go. I wonder if they're gonna serve milk too. Ok, I couldn't resist doing this>>>>In my Kanye West voice:

"Yo Krispy Kreme...I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Dunkin Donuts had one of the best cabarets of all time!!"

*that picture just made me moist...Damn!! I want some doughnuts now.



This video sums up why I will always be a Janelle Monae stan* She's just as quirky and nutty as I am. Watch and laugh!!



*stan- based on the central character in the Eminem song of the same name, a "stan" is an overzealous maniacal fan for any celebrity or athlete.

The Gospel of Nicky Minaj

Turn with me in your books to The Gospel of Nicky Minaj. Book of Barbie. Verses 14-19.

14. when they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
15. and when they were come into the club and saw the Young Money Nicky Minaj, they fell down to their knees and worshipped her.
16. and when they had opened their treasures and presented to her gifts; gold, platinum, and lacefronts
17. And the Angel of the rap game appeareth to Lil Wayne in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the Young Nicky, and flee into Louisiana until I bring thee word, for Lil Kim will seek the young Nicky to destroy her.
18. When Wayne arose, he took her by night and departed into New Orleans.
19. And was there until the death of Kim's career. And it was fulfilled that which was spoken of Slim by the prophet Baby, saying, out of New York, I have called my child Nicky Minaj.

Weddings and Disposable Cameras: Wheretheydothatat?!

So, my big cousin got married this weekend. WOOOOOWWWW!!! The first in the trio to take the big leap, and hopefully not the last...if ya know what I mean. In a way it was kinda weird because although we're all "grown" and doing the adult thing, I can remember all the hilariously crazy and childish things we did when we were younger and now she's MARRIED. Back in the day we were closer than close. I recall numerous weekends spent at her house staying up late begging her to tell me stories about her boyfriends and now she's had her final hoorah and settled down to do the wife thing.

I'm extremely happy for her but also sad in a way, because it feels like I lost her. I know she's not gone anywhere, but now she's somebody's "wife" and you know what the good book says about "forsaking all others" and I feel like I'm gonna be one of those forsaked people (forsaked? Yea, I made that up).

This is the song she came down the aisle to...talk about old school. I thought I was standing in the middle of 1995. We used to sing the SHIT outta this song...."Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue!!!" It took everything in me, not to sing along while she was walking down the aisle.


Her wedding was beautiful in every way imaginable. From the decorations, to the music, to the food, to the people in attendance. Everything went great. I'm sitting here trying to think of anything major or minor that went wrong with the actual ceremony, but I'm drawing a blank. Besides the drama that ensued after the wedding was over, I can't think of anything. Luckily, she had been whisked away by her Prince Charming before all the hoopla popped off...ain't God good?!


Wedding Shout Outs:

The wedding and reception were held in the same place which meant the food was set up behind where the actual ceremony took place. So, first I would like to shout out the cook for coming and dumping a big bucket of ice in the punch in the middle of the ceremony...talk about bad timing.

Shout out to my cousin Felicia for hitting on the bartender and doing everything in her power to get his number...by the way, the bartender was her husband. The whole night she kept asking who he was and saying how handsome he was. Soooooo cute!!



Next, I wanna shout out my Uncle Jerry who took it upon himself to assist the photographer. He got out of his seat and stood up behind the bridesmaids with his disposable camera snapping shots during the nuptials. YESSSS!!! A disposable camera, he was cranking the dial and errrythang. HILARIOUS!!


Shout out to the groomsmen for deciding to switch up the poses during the wedding. They were the brides brothers and cousins so being the protective brothers, they all stood with their arms folded mugging the groom like "Yea dude, you better do right by my sis!!" It was too cute.

Shout out to the heffa who jumped in front of me and made me miss the bouquet...UGH!!! I should'a foot clipped that ho!!
Lastly, shout out to my aunt (the bride's mom) for breaking down in the biggest crocodile tears during the wedding. She was uber emotional about her baby getting married and she did not hold back. AWWWWWW!!!

New Facebook Relationship Statuses

I'm trying to get a meeting with the creator of Facebook to make some changes to these relationship statuses. Single, ok...Married, Divorced, Widowed, fair enough...Open Relationship, I'll let that one slide we're all grown. The only status I have a problem with is the "it's complicated" one. I'm a woman who pays attention to and respects details. So naturally, if someone was to say they were in a relationship and it was "complicated", I'm going to wanna know how. So I've come up with the following relationship statuses that further explain what a "complicated" relationship is and I plan on submitting them to Mark Zuckerberg for approval.

Relationship Status: I'm a ho. [this one is self explanatory and let's the reader know off the top that you aren't necessarily looking to get booed up. You're basically looking for someone to perform ho-like activities with.]

Relationship Status: I like him...he likes me, but we enjoy playing these high school games. [this tells the reader that you're a flirt, so don't look for anything past a few weeks of sexy phone calls and text messages, one or two dates, and if you're lucky, a little spooning, but no forking.]

Relationship Status: Single but I screw someone regularly, we just haven't made it official yet.

Relationship Status: In a relationship with my vibrator. [for the woman who doesn't have the time or patience to deal with the problems that come along with most dicks. This status tells the reader that if they're looking for sex, they can seek it elsewhere because she has that part of the program covered.]

Relationship Status: Married, but I sleep around. [For the non-exclusive cheater. They don't care who they fuckin' as long as it's not their spouse.]

Relationship Status: Married to <~insert spouse's name and hyperlink here~> but I'm in a relationship with <~insert mistress' name and hyperlink here~> [this is for the exclusive cheater and woman who's proud of her jumpoff status.]

Relationship Status: In a relationship with the man who's married to <~insert wife's name here~> [again, this one is for the jumpoff who knows how to play her position.]

If anyone knows how I can get in touch with Mr. Zuckerberg, inbox me.

Fantasia For Real

I don't care how you feel about the personal things she's been going through recently, you have to admit that the girl's talent is UNDENIABLE. It's evident in these clips from her AOL Sessions performances. I was blessed enough to be able to see her live and I can say that she was very reserved in these performances....but the girl does know how to get down. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I believe that what she's been through is real. It just shows you that things that "regular people" go through even celebrities must deal with and dealing with them in the public spotlight can be extremely difficult. Imagine your worst break-up/problem/anything you've had to deal with....Now imagine having the way you handled it be scrutinized by millions of people. And everyone's opinion being shoved down your throat. If you know how to pray, I suggest you send one up for Ms. Barrino. Enjoy the clips.

"When I See You" & "Free Yourself"
Fan AOLS Live Part 2
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"Even Angels" "Bitter Sweet" & "Man Of The House"
Fan AOLS Live
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*sidenote: her backup singers are amazing...and I have a friend who looks just like the big light skinned dude.

Here are some pics of Fantasia doin' her thang in Mobile.

Music Randoms

*Who y'all think have the most basic bitches at their show?
A. B. C.






Did y'all know that everytime Soulja Boy makes a song an angel loses its wings? It's true....

*Music Math Equation


CASH MONEY RECORDS minus NICKYWAYNEDRAKE equals NO LIMIT RECORDS