The Gospel of Nicky Minaj

Turn with me in your books to The Gospel of Nicky Minaj. Book of Barbie. Verses 14-19.

14. when they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
15. and when they were come into the club and saw the Young Money Nicky Minaj, they fell down to their knees and worshipped her.
16. and when they had opened their treasures and presented to her gifts; gold, platinum, and lacefronts
17. And the Angel of the rap game appeareth to Lil Wayne in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the Young Nicky, and flee into Louisiana until I bring thee word, for Lil Kim will seek the young Nicky to destroy her.
18. When Wayne arose, he took her by night and departed into New Orleans.
19. And was there until the death of Kim's career. And it was fulfilled that which was spoken of Slim by the prophet Baby, saying, out of New York, I have called my child Nicky Minaj.

Weddings and Disposable Cameras: Wheretheydothatat?!

So, my big cousin got married this weekend. WOOOOOWWWW!!! The first in the trio to take the big leap, and hopefully not the last...if ya know what I mean. In a way it was kinda weird because although we're all "grown" and doing the adult thing, I can remember all the hilariously crazy and childish things we did when we were younger and now she's MARRIED. Back in the day we were closer than close. I recall numerous weekends spent at her house staying up late begging her to tell me stories about her boyfriends and now she's had her final hoorah and settled down to do the wife thing.

I'm extremely happy for her but also sad in a way, because it feels like I lost her. I know she's not gone anywhere, but now she's somebody's "wife" and you know what the good book says about "forsaking all others" and I feel like I'm gonna be one of those forsaked people (forsaked? Yea, I made that up).

This is the song she came down the aisle to...talk about old school. I thought I was standing in the middle of 1995. We used to sing the SHIT outta this song...."Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue!!!" It took everything in me, not to sing along while she was walking down the aisle.


Her wedding was beautiful in every way imaginable. From the decorations, to the music, to the food, to the people in attendance. Everything went great. I'm sitting here trying to think of anything major or minor that went wrong with the actual ceremony, but I'm drawing a blank. Besides the drama that ensued after the wedding was over, I can't think of anything. Luckily, she had been whisked away by her Prince Charming before all the hoopla popped off...ain't God good?!


Wedding Shout Outs:

The wedding and reception were held in the same place which meant the food was set up behind where the actual ceremony took place. So, first I would like to shout out the cook for coming and dumping a big bucket of ice in the punch in the middle of the ceremony...talk about bad timing.

Shout out to my cousin Felicia for hitting on the bartender and doing everything in her power to get his number...by the way, the bartender was her husband. The whole night she kept asking who he was and saying how handsome he was. Soooooo cute!!



Next, I wanna shout out my Uncle Jerry who took it upon himself to assist the photographer. He got out of his seat and stood up behind the bridesmaids with his disposable camera snapping shots during the nuptials. YESSSS!!! A disposable camera, he was cranking the dial and errrythang. HILARIOUS!!


Shout out to the groomsmen for deciding to switch up the poses during the wedding. They were the brides brothers and cousins so being the protective brothers, they all stood with their arms folded mugging the groom like "Yea dude, you better do right by my sis!!" It was too cute.

Shout out to the heffa who jumped in front of me and made me miss the bouquet...UGH!!! I should'a foot clipped that ho!!
Lastly, shout out to my aunt (the bride's mom) for breaking down in the biggest crocodile tears during the wedding. She was uber emotional about her baby getting married and she did not hold back. AWWWWWW!!!

New Facebook Relationship Statuses

I'm trying to get a meeting with the creator of Facebook to make some changes to these relationship statuses. Single, ok...Married, Divorced, Widowed, fair enough...Open Relationship, I'll let that one slide we're all grown. The only status I have a problem with is the "it's complicated" one. I'm a woman who pays attention to and respects details. So naturally, if someone was to say they were in a relationship and it was "complicated", I'm going to wanna know how. So I've come up with the following relationship statuses that further explain what a "complicated" relationship is and I plan on submitting them to Mark Zuckerberg for approval.

Relationship Status: I'm a ho. [this one is self explanatory and let's the reader know off the top that you aren't necessarily looking to get booed up. You're basically looking for someone to perform ho-like activities with.]

Relationship Status: I like him...he likes me, but we enjoy playing these high school games. [this tells the reader that you're a flirt, so don't look for anything past a few weeks of sexy phone calls and text messages, one or two dates, and if you're lucky, a little spooning, but no forking.]

Relationship Status: Single but I screw someone regularly, we just haven't made it official yet.

Relationship Status: In a relationship with my vibrator. [for the woman who doesn't have the time or patience to deal with the problems that come along with most dicks. This status tells the reader that if they're looking for sex, they can seek it elsewhere because she has that part of the program covered.]

Relationship Status: Married, but I sleep around. [For the non-exclusive cheater. They don't care who they fuckin' as long as it's not their spouse.]

Relationship Status: Married to <~insert spouse's name and hyperlink here~> but I'm in a relationship with <~insert mistress' name and hyperlink here~> [this is for the exclusive cheater and woman who's proud of her jumpoff status.]

Relationship Status: In a relationship with the man who's married to <~insert wife's name here~> [again, this one is for the jumpoff who knows how to play her position.]

If anyone knows how I can get in touch with Mr. Zuckerberg, inbox me.

Fantasia For Real

I don't care how you feel about the personal things she's been going through recently, you have to admit that the girl's talent is UNDENIABLE. It's evident in these clips from her AOL Sessions performances. I was blessed enough to be able to see her live and I can say that she was very reserved in these performances....but the girl does know how to get down. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I believe that what she's been through is real. It just shows you that things that "regular people" go through even celebrities must deal with and dealing with them in the public spotlight can be extremely difficult. Imagine your worst break-up/problem/anything you've had to deal with....Now imagine having the way you handled it be scrutinized by millions of people. And everyone's opinion being shoved down your throat. If you know how to pray, I suggest you send one up for Ms. Barrino. Enjoy the clips.

"When I See You" & "Free Yourself"
Fan AOLS Live Part 2
Uploaded by yardie4lifever2. - More video blogs and vloggers.

"Even Angels" "Bitter Sweet" & "Man Of The House"
Fan AOLS Live
Uploaded by yardie4lifever2. - Explore international webcam videos.


*sidenote: her backup singers are amazing...and I have a friend who looks just like the big light skinned dude.

Here are some pics of Fantasia doin' her thang in Mobile.

Music Randoms

*Who y'all think have the most basic bitches at their show?
A. B. C.






Did y'all know that everytime Soulja Boy makes a song an angel loses its wings? It's true....

*Music Math Equation


CASH MONEY RECORDS minus NICKYWAYNEDRAKE equals NO LIMIT RECORDS

Day 02: Your First Love

I was about 21 when I experienced my first real love. Kinda old to be fallin' head over heels for someone...but that's life. Unpredictable. I know for a fact he wasn't in love. At least I know it now...back then I was blinded by my rose colored glasses. What I thought was mutual love turned out to be extremely one sided. I did things for him that I wouldn't dream of doing for anyone before him and I have trouble doing now for anyone after him without doubting the persons intentions. I'm over it now...got an awesome daughter from the experience and I consider her my silver lining from that very dark cloud over my life. My first love rained down on me...monsoon style.





Love rain down on me,on me,down on me [4x]
Met him on a Thursday, sunny afternoon
Cumulus clouds, 84 degrees
He was brown and deep
Said he wanted to talk about my mission
Listen to my past lives (Word?)
Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy
Talked about Moses and Mumia
Reparations, blue colors, memories of shell topped adidas
He was fresh, like summer peaches
Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy
Us was nice and warm, no jacket, no umbrella, just warm
At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one
I felt like cayenne pepper, red, hot, spicy
I felt Dizzy and Sonya, Heaven, and Miles between my thighs
Better than love,we made delicious
He me had, had me he
He had me tongue tied
I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts
I was his sharp, his horn section
His boom and his bip
And he was my love

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me
The rain was fallin and,and slowly and sweetly and stinging my eyes
And I could not see that he became my voodoo priest
And I was his faithful concubine
Wide open, wide, loose like bowels after collard greens
The mistake was made
Love slipped from my lips
Dripped down my chin and landed in his lap
And us became new
Now me non-clairvoyant and in love made the coochie easy and the obvious invisible
The rain was falling and I couldn't see the season changing and the vibe slipping off it's axis
Our beautiful melody became wildly staccato
The rain was falling and I could not see
That I was to be plowed and sowed and fertilized
And left to drown in his sunny afternoon
Cumulus clouds, 84 degrees, melody

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me [2x]

Wide open, wide loose the mistake was made
Love slipped from my lips dripped down my chin and landed in his lap
And us became new me not clairvoyant and in love made me the fool
You were never true
If you didn't want me, awwww you should have let me know
All you did was make a mockery of something so incredible beautiful
I honestly did love you

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me

Day 01: Introduce Yourself

I'm bad at introductions so here's the song. It pretty much sums me up.

Verse 1:
I look in the mirror, what do I see?
I see my power my ability
I see tenderness, righteousness
optimism and a bit of fear I guess

But no matter what I see
my eyes can't tell me what I already know
I'm best as what I am
and I don't need nobody to tell me so

Chorus:
I am a girl....I am a woman
I am connected to the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
I love myself and I'm gonna tell you why

I am a girl...I am a woman
I am connected to the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
girl you are what you are so am I.

Verse 2:
Everyday I walk the streets
the world and me
It's the perfect company

I watch and I learn
as the people pass me by
In my heart I yearn
To ask them why

Don't you see the light in your soul?
the strength you have
that can only grow
I know this to be so

I want only to give you that
this love in me
all I see
is possibility

Chorus:
I am a girl...I am a woman
I am connected to the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
I love myself and I'm gonna tell you why

I am a girl...I am woman
I am connected the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
girl you are what you are so am I

Bridge:
Your song is my sing girl
la da da da da

Chorus:
I am a girl...I am a woman
I am connected to the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
I love myself and I'm gonna tell you why

I am a girl...I am a woman
I am connected to the earth and sky
I know the secrets they only dream of
girl you are what you are so am I.

The 30 Challenge: Second Shot

There's this blog challenge that's been going on for a while where you are challenged to write a blog for 30 days straight using the suggested topics for each day. I attempted this challenge once and failed miserably due to sheer boredome. But I hate to fail or give up at anything so I decided to give it another shot but use a different method. This time around I will write a little on the topic, but I will be adding a song that speaks about what I'm trying to say. So here goes.

The topics are as follows:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 – Your parents

Day 04 – What you ate today 

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 - Your best friend

Day 08 – A moment

Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today 

Day 11 – Your siblings

Day 12 – What's in your bag

Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place

Day 28 – Something that you miss

Day 29 – Your aspirations

Day 30 – One last moment

Maybe I can complete it this time.

Gangsta R&B: Erykah Badu

There's so much gangsta 'ish goin' on in this video it's ridiculous...AND I LOVE IT!!! Erykah Badu is the shizznit! Rick Ross is a perfect example of how a man's swagger can get him all the poontang he wants/needs. 'Cause Mr. Ross can most definitely get it. But he would HAVE to be rapping during, that's the only thing that would keep from focusing on his humongous gut.

Hip Hop Crush

Label me lame or whatever you please, but I have always had the BIGGEST hip hop crush on Mr. Michael Lawrence Tyler. That New Orleans accent...the way I don't know what the FUCK he's rapping about, but he makes it sound so good...


This video just did something for me. I am so anticipating ANY new music this man puts out. He can put out a LP of him rapping the blue pages in the phone book and I'll be first in line to buy it.


Wanna know why I love Mystikal?
That's easy, if you look into the Mind of Mystikal,
it's easy to see that he's Unpredictable.
He's coming with new music and he's gonna show all these hood stars how to truly be
Ghetto Fabulous.
So, Let's Get Ready for the
Tarantula y'all 'cause




The Big Shake Back!!!

Hip Hop Amber Alert

If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of Mike Jones, you are asked to contact the offices of JRW immediately at two eight one three three oh eight zero zero fo'. We would offer a reward...but nobody really gives a damn.






Don't quote me on this...but I heard he got a job cleaning up the oil spill. And he spends his evenings thinking about how his music career got chopped and screwed.

(I never did understand the purpose of this...but I guess it's not for me to understand)

Randoms

*lately I've felt like I've been riding on a magic carpet...I'm just waiting on someone to come sweep the rug out from under me.

*I'm in love with Jesus, but I'm disenchanted with the church. Not so much the people...approval from church folks has never been on my agenda. But I dislike the way some churches view money. I know the church has bills, but the connection of monetary giving with receiving a blessing turns me off. Everyone shouting about how I need to "plant a seed" is making it seem like I have to pay for my blessing. So you're telling me if I don't give my last $20 I won't get that promotion I need? Really...is God that simple? I didn't think so.

*When did being honest become rude? If you think I'm mean, then you got too many fake people around you.

*I've found that the older I get, the less I care about monogamy. If I had to choose between monogamy and honesty, I'd choose honesty. Monogamy makes people feel the need to lie.

*Honesty will get you far with me. Having the ability to step up and admit when you've fucked up is sexy and grown.

*There is no bigger turn off to me than a bitter man. That thing that happened to you 10 years ago...LET IT GO!!

*I have elevated my standards and I am now strictly dating SINGLE men. If you're married/unhappy, get a fucking divorce BEFORE you step to me.

*I used to think that older men were more mature and settled...I now realize that I was incorrect.

Single For The Rest Of My Life

I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm gonna be that old bitch in the club when I'm 55 preying on 25-30 year olds. And that scares the SHIT outta me. Single at 25 is ok...but what about single at 30? or single at 35? 40? 45? 50? That shit does not sound like a win to me. For now I'm content being single and having the option of mingling with whomever I want, whenever I want. But seeing all my close friends and family members getting all booed up and swept away by their "Prince Charmings" has me feeling some kinda way. Am I missing out?

Until then, here are a few of my rules to being single. If you're single, these are some things that I suggest you require of your boo/booty call/cuddle buddy. Take my advice now, while it's still free.

DECLARATION OF SINGLEHOOD

I declare myself to be single and the rules are as follows:

1. I am single until I am no longer single. This means questions like "who is he?" or "where were you?!" are un'FUCKIN'acceptable.

2. I do not want to talk about your feelings. Ever. If you start another sentence with "I feel..." I'm DONE!!

3. No sleep overs. None. I like rollin around in my bed. Alone. At night.

4. I never feel obligated to inform people of my previous partners. Follow this rule of thumb: If you think I did.... I probably did. And seeing as though perception is reality, if you think I did it, it doesn't really matter what actually happened. Now does it?

5. I'm single, therefore I reserve the right to overbook, double book, and/or bump reservations. Just because you get penciled in, doesn't mean you won't end up getting cancelled. I'm unpredictable. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm about to do.


If I do manage to find a potential boo, there are certain standards he will HAVE to live up to. I strayed away from my list for a spell, and from that experience I learned that I MUST stick to my list at all times. NO EXCEPTIONS!!

The Musts:

• he MUST be intelligent-I cannot deal with a dumb muhfucka.
• he MUST be respectful
• he MUST be God fearing
• he MUST love children...I have a daughter and she comes with the package
• he MUST be attracted to women (you'd be surprised)
• he MUST be single (you'd be surprised). None of that "it's complicated" or "about to get a divorce"...if you come wit' a bitch, there will be nothing left for me to say to you.
• he MUST be clean- you would think a grown ass man would know how to wash his ass.
• he MUST be attractive...TO ME.-I could give a hot f*ck what another b!tc# thinks about him. My opinion is all that matters.
• he MUST be ambitious- f*ck what ya heard...goals and ambitions are sexy!


The Deal breakers:

• drug dealers/thieves/jail house regulars- I don't need any of the drama that comes along with that.
• several baby mamas- again...too much drama.
• abusive- I wish a muhfucka WOULD!!

Love is not a fairytale.

Plies Presents: Goonette (A Reality Series)

I'm effin' speechless, and this doesn't happen often. I have absolutely NO words.



Plies needs the holy hog shit slapped outta him. If y'all basic asses let him get away with this shit......I'm just gone give the fuck up. Why did Martin march? Why did Rosa not get up off that bus seat? Why did we integrate schools? Why did we boycott restaraunts and buses? Why did Obama run for president and win? So y'all could have the right to create simple shit like this? Sad...very sad. There is a special corner in the pocket of hell for anyone who supports the creation and promotion of this bullshit. SMH Plies...SMH!

What's Up Wednesday: Marriage Edition

*This post was brought about by the news that Fantasia allegedly attempted suicide after problems with the married man she's been involved with. http://mediatakeout.com/42814/fantasia_attempts_suicide_frequently_updated_post.html

What's up with marriages now-a-days?

What does marriage really mean? It doesn't mean you'll stay together forever...it doesn't mean one or both of you will be faithful...it doesn't mean everything will be perfect...it doesn't mean that both of you are committed.

So, what does it mean?

What's up with all these "single" married folks? I have never understood why people get married when they really aren't ready.

I am deeply saddened by the state of marriage right now. The lying married people, broken relationships, and the disrespect of marriage as a union. Is a relationship ever strong enough to endure what come along with forever? FOREVER...that means for the rest of your life. I believe that LOVE can last forever, but relationships very seldom do.

With that said...I would like to send a shout-out to all the lonely married people. That shit does NOT sound like a win to me. I'm just sayin'.

BACK IN THE DAY: Episode 1

Remember when Nickelodeon was theeeee shit? Yea, me either. All my good memories of afterschool and weekend Nickelodeon watching have been demolished by the stupidity that has become today's Nickelodeon. Although I will admit, I have watched and enjoyed an episode or two of iCarly...don't judge me. That still doesn't dispute the fact that I miss the old Nickelodeon and I wish they would make a special channel that caters to and only shows reruns of the following shows.


HEY DUDE!!




SALUTE YOUR SHORTS




THE ORIGINAL ALL THAT



MY BROTHER AND ME

Say you didn't have a crush on Alphie and his flat top...wit' his big ol' soup coolers...WOO LAWD!!!



PETE AND PETE




LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE


Honorable Mentions:

Clarissa Explains It All

Doug

The Secret World of Alex Mack

Wild and Crazy Kids

Kenan and Kel

Hey Arnold


CatDog

That's What Friends Are For

Starting today I am going to work on being a better friend. I feel like it's my duty. Plus, people can't change unless they know that they NEED to change. If your friend can't accept you telling them the raw and uncut truth, then you probably shouldn't be calling them a "friend" in the first place. Real friends don't sugarcoat shit and send you out in the world lookin' stupid.

Here's how I will become a GOOD friend:

1. I'm going to tell my friend when he is complaining too much about the SAME thing.
*Stop beating a dead damn horse..IT'S DEAD!!!

2. I'm going to tell my friend when she's being a dumb broad.
*He hit you and you forgave him and you were surprised when he hit you again. Really? <~BLANKSTARE~>

3. I'm going to tell my friend that he has GOT to make moves.
*If you want your situation to improve, complaining about it will accomplish nothing. Get off your ass and make something happen.

4. I'm going to tell my friend that her situation won't change until she changes.
*You keep getting approached by AintShitNiggas...it may be because you carry yourself like you ain't shit. Stop hanging out in the same ain't shit places and setting yourself up to be approached by ain't shit men.

SIDENOTE: if you're reading this and you're my friend, I expect you to do the same for me. I already have enough "Yes Men" in my life...I need somebody to tell me "NO" every once in a while.




*It's safe to say that none of the people who had anything to do with this performance were Stevie Wonder's friend...otherwise they wouldn't have guided him out on stage lookin' like he did. Shame on Dionne...shame on Luther...shame on Whitney...shame on the stylist...shame on them all.

Please Wake Up

I hate hate hate that Janelle Monae decided to sign a death to your career contract with Diddly/Doodie/Mr. Say Goodbye To Your Music. This picture sickens me. Diddy will do her career NO justice. She is truly before her time and people are really sleeping on this chick. I wish I could just grab her and shake her and ask, "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!!" Diddy gives not a fuck about your music. All he sees is the money you'll bring in for a little while and after he's milked you dry, he'll drop you faster than you can say "Baaaaad Boooooy...take that take that!!"

The original version of this song was awesome...but the remix is sex fo' yo' stereo (or iPod...whatever you groove to).


*best line at :33 "I'm a different planet so excuse my astrology!!" -B.O.B. aka Bobby Ray

I Am Ready For Love...Or Am I

This song makes me feel some kinda way...

The following statement is completely, utterly, ridiculously sad...but it's also true: I am 26 years old and I have yet to have a meaningful relationship. Sure enough I've dated/been involved with a few dudes, but most of them were so wack and dry that I don't even consider them relationships. But now that I'm getting older (NOT old, but older) I feel like I'm ready to experience all the highs and navigate my way around the lows of a relationship. Why do I feel like I'm ready? Honestly because I have watched the people that I'm close to attempt and often times fail at their relationships and I believe that I've learned a lot from their mistakes. I've watched their seemingly happy relationships end over jealousy, cheating, arguments over minimal bullshit, and many other reasons and I've been given a crash course on what NOT to do in a relationship.

So, to all my single people: Do you feel like you're ready for Mr./Mrs. Right? If so, How do you know?

Music Wept

This latest "song"...and I use the word loosely...by Soulja Boy makes me want to do one or all of the following:

-slit my wrists
-gouge my own eyes out
-bang my head on a cement wall repeatedly
-wear a fur-lined leather jacket in August and ride around in a Volkswagen with no A/C
-watch Soul Plane on repeat in slow motion
-wear white patent leather shoes and black stockings to a black tie event at the White House


And music wept.....

Trey Songz Concert: Passion, Pain, and Pleasure

Last night I attended the kick off show for Trey Songz' "Passion, Pain, and Pleasure Tour" and I must say that I was pretty amazed. The quality of the show was well worth the $65+ that I spent for my ticket and Trey and Monica put on amazing performances. I bought my ticket the day they went on sale and I had been keeping up with Trey's reality show on BET and seeing the quality of shows that he put on in other cities, I kept thinking, he better bring that same "umph" when he comes here. After working with a promoter, I am aware of how artists tend to sleep on the Mobile (or any small city) market. They often feel as if doing a show here won't bring in as much revenue, so they either don't do a show here at all or they come here and do a half ass show thinking that it won't matter if they get a bad review from the people here, because "who listens to what we say anyway". I think this is a shitty opinion for artists and show promoters to have, but the people who live here are partially to blame, because when shows do come here, we come out in small numbers and complain about the high ticket prices, yet we rant and rave that noone big ever comes here. WHAT THE HELL DO Y'ALL WANT??!! {I went waaaayy off the original subject, but that needed to be said.}

On a positive note, there wasn't nearly as much fuckery and basic bitchness as I thought there would be, but that didn't stop me from Tweeting and Facebooking about what I did see. Click here to view my Tweets from lastnight:

http://twitter.com/msjrenee1984


Here's some video from the show:

Happy Burffday Barack!!

It's Barack's birthday, and I heard that his only wish was for Congress, the Republican Party, the Tea Party Haters, and anybody else who has a problem with the job he's doing, to get off his back for the next 24 hours. He's not a damn donkey...let the man breathe!!