I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm gonna be that old bitch in the club when I'm 55 preying on 25-30 year olds. And that scares the SHIT outta me. Single at 25 is ok...but what about single at 30? or single at 35? 40? 45? 50? That shit does not sound like a win to me. For now I'm content being single and having the option of mingling with whomever I want, whenever I want. But seeing all my close friends and family members getting all booed up and swept away by their "Prince Charmings" has me feeling some kinda way. Am I missing out?
Until then, here are a few of my rules to being single. If you're single, these are some things that I suggest you require of your boo/booty call/cuddle buddy. Take my advice now, while it's still free.
DECLARATION OF SINGLEHOOD
I declare myself to be single and the rules are as follows:
1. I am single until I am no longer single. This means questions like "who is he?" or "where were you?!" are un'FUCKIN'acceptable.
2. I do not want to talk about your feelings. Ever. If you start another sentence with "I feel..." I'm DONE!!
3. No sleep overs. None. I like rollin around in my bed. Alone. At night.
4. I never feel obligated to inform people of my previous partners. Follow this rule of thumb: If you think I did.... I probably did. And seeing as though perception is reality, if you think I did it, it doesn't really matter what actually happened. Now does it?
5. I'm single, therefore I reserve the right to overbook, double book, and/or bump reservations. Just because you get penciled in, doesn't mean you won't end up getting cancelled. I'm unpredictable. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm about to do.
If I do manage to find a potential boo, there are certain standards he will HAVE to live up to. I strayed away from my list for a spell, and from that experience I learned that I MUST stick to my list at all times. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
The Musts:
• he MUST be intelligent-I cannot deal with a dumb muhfucka.
• he MUST be respectful
• he MUST be God fearing
• he MUST love children...I have a daughter and she comes with the package
• he MUST be attracted to women (you'd be surprised)
• he MUST be single (you'd be surprised). None of that "it's complicated" or "about to get a divorce"...if you come wit' a bitch, there will be nothing left for me to say to you.
• he MUST be clean- you would think a grown ass man would know how to wash his ass.
• he MUST be attractive...TO ME.-I could give a hot f*ck what another b!tc# thinks about him. My opinion is all that matters.
• he MUST be ambitious- f*ck what ya heard...goals and ambitions are sexy!
The Deal breakers:
• drug dealers/thieves/jail house regulars- I don't need any of the drama that comes along with that.
• several baby mamas- again...too much drama.
• abusive- I wish a muhfucka WOULD!!
Until then, here are a few of my rules to being single. If you're single, these are some things that I suggest you require of your boo/booty call/cuddle buddy. Take my advice now, while it's still free.
DECLARATION OF SINGLEHOOD
I declare myself to be single and the rules are as follows:
1. I am single until I am no longer single. This means questions like "who is he?" or "where were you?!" are un'FUCKIN'acceptable.
2. I do not want to talk about your feelings. Ever. If you start another sentence with "I feel..." I'm DONE!!
3. No sleep overs. None. I like rollin around in my bed. Alone. At night.
4. I never feel obligated to inform people of my previous partners. Follow this rule of thumb: If you think I did.... I probably did. And seeing as though perception is reality, if you think I did it, it doesn't really matter what actually happened. Now does it?
5. I'm single, therefore I reserve the right to overbook, double book, and/or bump reservations. Just because you get penciled in, doesn't mean you won't end up getting cancelled. I'm unpredictable. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm about to do.
If I do manage to find a potential boo, there are certain standards he will HAVE to live up to. I strayed away from my list for a spell, and from that experience I learned that I MUST stick to my list at all times. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
The Musts:
• he MUST be intelligent-I cannot deal with a dumb muhfucka.
• he MUST be respectful
• he MUST be God fearing
• he MUST love children...I have a daughter and she comes with the package
• he MUST be attracted to women (you'd be surprised)
• he MUST be single (you'd be surprised). None of that "it's complicated" or "about to get a divorce"...if you come wit' a bitch, there will be nothing left for me to say to you.
• he MUST be clean- you would think a grown ass man would know how to wash his ass.
• he MUST be attractive...TO ME.-I could give a hot f*ck what another b!tc# thinks about him. My opinion is all that matters.
• he MUST be ambitious- f*ck what ya heard...goals and ambitions are sexy!
The Deal breakers:
• drug dealers/thieves/jail house regulars- I don't need any of the drama that comes along with that.
• several baby mamas- again...too much drama.
• abusive- I wish a muhfucka WOULD!!
Love is not a fairytale.
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